Just To See Him Smile
by Ryuuen Mills
Summary: Goku is thinking about Vegeta and how he feels about him, and Vegeta's marriage to Bulma.


Just To See Him Smile  
By: Cryptina Maxwell  
  
Anime series: Dragon Ball Z  
Category: General  
No lemon or lime  
Shounen ai  
Pairings: Vegeta/Bulma (mentioned)  
Spoilers: I don't think there are any...oo;  
Parts: 1/1  
Rating: PG-13  
Archive: Well...if you want to, but ask me first. Oo;  
Feedback: Yes, please! ^^   
Author's note: I dunno...I was listening to Just To See You Smile and this weird idea popped into my head. Since I haven't written a fic in awhile, I decided to go ahead and write it. :p I know it's weird.  
Story blurb: Goku is watching Vegeta, one day, and begins to think about how much Vegeta really means to him. Yeah, yeah...sucky story blurb...just read the fic...please? *sweatdrop*  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Ball Z or any of its characters.  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai  
  
Goku gave a soft sigh, so soft it wasn't to be heard. He had his ki down as far as he could get it, to make sure it was hard for Vegeta, or anyone else, to pick up on him. He was a bit away from Vegeta, but his eyes could see him quite clearly. Goku's eyesight was something to behold, and he wasn't thinking about leaving until Vegeta goes into the house.   
  
He spent much of his time watching Vegeta when the other Saiyan wasn't aware. A special treat today, too...Vegeta smiled. It wasn't that smirk that Vegeta wore so often. It was a small, yet very genuine, smile. Goku didn't have the pleasure of seeing Vegeta smile that way often. And, Vegeta NEVER did it when he thought someone was watching.   
  
~*~*~*~*~ Goku's POV ~*~*~*~*~  
  
He's so beautiful...I know most people would probably look at me strange for saying something like that. But, he is. He's beautiful outside, in my opinion, and whether he likes to admit it or not, inside, too. Sure, he likes to hide it, but that doesn't make it any less true. It just means that you have to look beyond what he shows you on the outside to see what's on the inside.   
  
I don't really care what other people think or say about it, if they ever found out I feel this way about Vegeta. I feel so much, it's so hard to figure out how to explain it. In fact, it's pretty much impossible for me to. I know I feel more for Vegeta than I ever felt for Chi-Chi.   
  
Ya know, I actually think I love him. But, I'll never be able to sort through ALL of these feelings and make absolutely sure. One thing that all of these emotions keep telling me is that they're so strong...they'll never go away. And, ya know...I don't want them to.  
  
Yeah...I know...I have two sons...and a wife. But, I don't have a wife anymore. She died in a car accident. And, no, this isn't a rebound thing. These feelings have been there since my first few encounters with Vegeta. And, during those, Chi-Chi was very much alive.   
  
It's hard to explain. Too hard. I can usually find some way of expressing how I feel, and I know that I could express it...just not explain it...But, I can't tell or show anybody. Especially Vegeta. He's so happy, but he won't admit it.  
  
In fact, when I heard about all of this, I told both of them that I was happy for them. Both he and Bulma. Of course, Vegeta insisted the only reason they were saying anything at all about it, was because Bulma wouldn't shut up about it. Maybe, that's even the excuse he gave to Bulma about it. That and everyone was going to find out anyway. But, ya know, you could kinda tell, if you knew him at all, that he was proud to tell people, that he was happy to tell people, even!   
  
And, you know what? Given the chance...I'd lie again. Yeah...I lied. I wasn't happy for them. Inside I felt heartbroken...That's the only word to describe it.   
  
Bulma hadn't even appeared to like Vegeta! And, now, they'd gone off and eloped! It wasn't fair! But...ya know...I had a wife at the time, myself...I wasn't available for Vegeta as anything more than the other person. And, Bulma and Vegeta were ALREADY married. And, Bulma was also already pregnant.   
  
But, what really made me put on such a show of false happiness that no one could see through...was that I knew Vegeta was proud and happy. He was proud and happy that he was with Bulma, that he was married, mated and going become a father. And, damn it...when I saw him smile that slow, small smile, when he thought no one was looking...I would have done anything for him...  
  
Just to see him smile, I would do anything. Just to make him happy. He might not love me...But, I love him. And, that's never going to change.   
  
Some people say that the best love is the love that you give. But, I can't show him that. I can't show him that love. He's got my heart. Whether he really wanted it or not. Whether he meant to steal it or not. But, he's got it. He might not even realize it...but it's true. And, ya know...I kinda hope he never does realize it. I don't want anything to happen to Bulma, because, ya know, she IS my friend. And, she is Vegeta's wife. She also...makes Vegeta happy. She makes him smile...SHE'S the cause of that smile that I saw that first time...and she's the cause of the one I see him with now.   
  
I'd do anything for him...including leaving him alone. Yeah...we spar...and maybe some of the reason is just to touch him...but more to just be with him...But, I'll never tell him that. I want him to continue to be happy and content. And, he might get upset or feel uncomfortable around me if he found out that I love him. That I feel that way about him. And, that wouldn't make him happy. That wouldn't keep that smile on his face.  
  
Even this is a bit hard to explain. How you could love someone, but let them go, not say a word. But, my not saying anything to him, doesn't mean that I don't love him. I missed my chance, because I wasn't available. That is, if I even had a chance. And, now that I am available, he's not.  
  
But, given the chance, I would lie all over again. I would tell them I was happy for them, even though I was being torn up inside. And, I wouldn't change that they got married...I wouldn't change anything about Vegeta being with Bulma. I would let it go the way it went in the first place. The way it was supposed to go. Because, Vegeta's happy. He's content. He's proud. And, Bulma...makes him feel all of those things. I don't think I would be able to do that for Vegeta. But, Bulma can and they deserve to be left alone and content. Left in the dark about the way I feel.   
  
Because, I'm convinced that Vegeta is as much in love with Bulma...as I'm in love with Vegeta. I can...just tell. No...I can't explain how I know. I can just see things in Vegeta and about Vegeta than even Vegeta can. Than anyone can. I think Bulma is the exception, though. I think she can see some of what I can see.   
  
No...I don't think Bulma loves him as I do. But, I do think she loves him. And, that's enough for me to keep quiet. If I thought that Vegeta was going to end up hurt from this union, I wouldn't have been very quiet. I may not have told him about the way I feel, but I would have voiced that I thought it was a bad idea and I wouldn't have said I was happy for them.   
  
But, now, I just have to be content with the choice I've made. And, I am. Vegeta's happy...and he's still smiling. Even though he doesn't think anyone sees him.   
  
I'll at least be confident in my decision not to say anything. I love him and I want him to be happy. And, damn it...he's happy. And, that's the way it's going to stay. I refuse to be the cause of his unhappiness. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves everything he has and feels with Bulma. And, I'll be damned if I let myself or anyone else take that away from him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~ Author's POV ~*~*~*~*~  
  
Goku was startled out of his thoughts, before he could think anymore on the subject. He'd been caught!  
  
"Kakorott! What the Hell are you doing over there???" Vegeta yelled, impatiently. He looked as impatient as he sounded.   
  
Goku had forgotten just why he had been standing there, other than to watch Vegeta from a safe distance so Vegeta wouldn't think someone was there. He'd forgotten, that Vegeta was WAITING for him to come over. That they were going to have a sparing match.  
  
"Oh! Sorry, Vegeta! I guess I forgot!" Goku said, giving a goofy grin.   
  
It was true. He'd forgotten. But, it hadn't been as it sounded. He hadn't just forgot...He'd been too busy thinking to remember.  
  
Goku saw that that made Vegeta roll his eyes. Well, at least it hadn't made him as angry as it used to. Maybe, he'd come to expect it.  
  
"Get your ass over here and lets spar! I'm tired of waiting for you! I've been waiting and waiting and waiting and I look over there and you're just standing over there staring!" Vegeta said, becoming more and more impatient by the looks and sound of it.  
  
Goku never lost that goofy grin and did as he was told, as he normally would given the chance to spar.   
  
  
  
The End 


End file.
